How do you make a room full of normally polite women swear at the same time?

Shout Bingo!

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Ok, so it's a little corny but nevermind.

I was told this bingo joke yesterday by a friend of mine...

What do Vampires use to play Bingo games with?

Their stake money!

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Something to brighten up your day -

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

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A woman rushes into his house and yells to her husband, "John, pack up your things! I just won the bingo millions jackpot!"

John replies, "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The woman shouts back at him, "I don't care. Just get out!"

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Two men were in a bar, drinking heavily while watching the TV when the news came on.

It showed a woman on a bridge who was obviously suicidal and about to jump. "I'll bet you £50 she'll jump," said the first man. "Bet you £50 she won't," said the second.

Then, the woman on the television closed her eyes and threw herself off the bridge. The second man hands the first man his £50 winnings.

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Recently, a friend was diagnosed with: A.A.A.D.D.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the table that I collected from the letter box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that it is full.

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